I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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