I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
