At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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