I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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