he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
