Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
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just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
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I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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