she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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