Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
