The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
