I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
