I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
