He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
