i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
