I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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