he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
