I swear she didn't look like that last week.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
