Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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