i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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