eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
