I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize