I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
