he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
