All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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