He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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