I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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