dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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