Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My ATM looks so different sober.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
