So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
