4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
