Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
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Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
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He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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