I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
