I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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