You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
