Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
