sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
