Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
