Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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