I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
