I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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