im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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