i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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