yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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