I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
