Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
