Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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