Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
