does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
