Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
