i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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