I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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