I hate your face
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She said her name was "party"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
