my vag is so smooth its legendary
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
