she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
