wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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