Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
