i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
