areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
