I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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