Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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