those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
