why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
