maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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