mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
