he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
