Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
