I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
