ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
