guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
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he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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