if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
