Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
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she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
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I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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