Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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