Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
