maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
